Do I have the courage to continue my Chang Quan ...

It's always like this ... I really never accomplish anything in my life ... whether it is academy or other things... I want to excel in everything ... I want to succeed ... I want to be known among others that I have potential in an area ... But I guess I was wrong ...

For academic area, I lose out to a lot of people, I am the weakest in my family clan for academic. Everyone can get merit busary easily every year and I am the one looking at them with envy and get nothing. "Reap what you sow" ... Everyone says that too frequently. They are the ones with a lot of successes and talked loudly.

For Secondary School, I was a member in Band, computer club, library club ... but none last long. I was even a prefect but had to bootlick and bribe to climb to top position. So disgusting ! I gave up.

Outside school, I learnt arts and many other things but ended as quickly as it started. I wanted to give myself one last chance to prove that I was not doomed to fail in everything I do. I decided to join Wushu. The training process was an unforgettable experience and I did really enjoy it. Main thing is, I began to forget that I am a doomed person. I tried my very best to learn and much more afraid to lose what remain of my little confidence that I have built up during training.

My heart is bleeding ... I study so hard for my PM test and it only turn out to be a C for me. I should have gotten a 'A'. I knew that no matter how hard I try to work hard, it's simply useless ... Doom in everything ...

Chang Quan prove to be another major obstacle for me ... It's been a tremedous stress for me to learn Chang Quan. I even have nightmares of not doing well chang quan in front of the coach that taught me. Maybe the fortune teller is right ... My first 50 years will not achieve anything ... Only when I am after 50 years old then will achieve something insignificant.

To my cousins who was also borned the same month, date as me, do you agree that children borned on 25 august is extremely unlucky ?! Don't know whether it is our destiny to fail in everything that we try our best to achieve. I begin to believe it. Sometimes, I wonder if I reincarnate, will I be the same ?

Moving on to TEP ... The thing that I dread most

Today is the CS presentation. We had a tough week last week. Last week 5 days chiong for CS & PM project. CS is a little easier ... That's what I thought at first ... Well, we are the thrid last group to present. I was quite more nervous and more nervous as other groups were presenting quite well ... Their contents are way too good. We managed to finish our presentation and had a slight problem at the role play. Haha, I act as a poor service provider who throw his temper at the angry customer.

I shout a bit and everyone was stunned ! Maybe my voice too powerful like the kung fu hustle: Lion Roar !

I was kenna stunned by the teacher who told us that we did badly for our ICA 3 which is 50% of our module. My heart was being hit by a steel hammer. What the ... Teacher never says that we need to research more on other stuff not included inside the task. Shit ... This time round, my marks for CS surely goes down a lot.
Tomorrow is my PM presentation le. I must work hard to get that Ang Mo teacher to give high marks for my presentation ! Hope so la ...

A hard decision to make ... Very emotional now ...

Well, today I went back to my club. Most of my seniors are very surprised I am back .... Hmm ...
Anyway, I learnt dao from zhi wei coach today, quite happy that I had a bit of progress on dao. I kenna cut myself on my arm ...Clumsy as usual ... I had a strange feeling that whenever I go training at NYP wushu club, they will have special training... Don't know what it means ...Weird ...

After NYP wushu training, I dashed down to Cheng San CC to train with my seniors for the NDP stuff ...It went quite alright and time passed by really fast. And when I reach home and have a conversation with my dad on wushu thing, he told me with a serious look:" Son, you have to know which training location to give up and you do know it in your heart which location to give up!"

Hmm ... Right now, there is Hong Wen, NYP wushu club, Cheng San CC, Teck Ghee CC and Yew Tee CC(Rarely go le) ... If I have to give up, I would choose NYP wushu club, since I don't have any feelings there and no sense of belonging there, but the standards there will help me obtain other color belts much faster.

As for Hong Wen, I learnt Chang Quan there and I learnt finish it le and the rest of the lessons is to perfect my movements then ok le. So, cannot give up that place. Teck Ghee CC is my origin, is the place where I first learn wushu. I had emotions attached to that place and Jf coach there, so it will be too hard to break away from that place.

So ... How to make a decision? I also don't know... But one thing I am sure ... That is to train every day from now!

What is this ? Am I the greatest FOOL ?

Flared up !!!!
I had just recovered from stomach flu ( vomiting, runny nose, throat inflammation, fever bla bla bla ) and CS ICA 1 is staring me right into my eyes... So I don't have any other choice but to KKK CS study materials. Feverish and extremely dull minded, I forced myself to study CS Lesson 1,2,3. Lesson1,2 was okay, in fact quite common sense. I managed to remember all the essential things on monday. ( Sat/ Sun wasted on vomiting and flu ...)

I act smart and do a time management, think i will be able to remember everything for lesson 3, I rest until tuesday and study. To my horror, it was a 31 pages of things and rules about wardrobes and dress/clothings. 31 pages and 1/2 a day to memorise all of it.

So, I study most of it and burned it, take the ash pouring it into a kettle and drink it whenever I am thirsty. Some of it I borrow some memory bread from doraemon and stamp it and eat it during breakfast.

No la, I study a bit like memorising a word out of a sentence and keep telling myself this is stupid. By the way, CS = Customer Service, Not CounterStrike.

I studied until 2.30am, holding papers in front of me and it is definitely impossible to memorise all ! I give up, I simply give up. I went to sleep. Next day, I tried to evade the temperature screening but cannot. 8.30am Ica requires stickers and I went for temperature taking. My heart almost burst out of my chest when I stepped towards the machine. Lucky I was recovering, so nothing happens.

Test papers before me, my mind flashed a lot of scattered answers like jig saw puzzle which needs to piece them up. I looked at it and the first word flashed in my mind is "F***" ! Nothing from lesson 3 came out in the test script. ("F***" wasn't a scattered answer) 31 pages and ink were wasted and reduced to ash water and ingredient for bread!!! I really am angry at the person who remind us to study e learning which is lesson 3 for ICA !

However, I am also pleased that I am able to complete most of the questions ! Ha ! So ash water and doraemon's bread do help ! Just kidding ! The person really make a fool out of my class, we are so naive to believe that person's words to actually study 31 pages of nonsense !

Flu ...

So tired and weak ... I kenna flu from sat till now and did not fully recover ... I thought I tio swine flu and if I go clinic, they will send me to the hospital... Got flu at this period of swine flu is a taboo ... Luckily, it wasn't swine flu or I will be the first case of swine flu in Singapore. Missed quite a lot of training, ndp and sunday's training. Sigh ... Virus nowadays are very strong and antibotics are not able to tackle viruses effectively.

I do hope I can recover fast. Last saturday I accompany my mum to see TCM hospital at Toa Payoh. We met the doctor and she examined me and her statements stunned me and have a negative impact on me. She says that I have a weak heart and that's why I perspired more than others. I have to exercise less and cut down on my training or I might pass away during exercise.
Damn shocking ... I always loved wushu and I had never slack in my training, yet it was not my mental that cannot take it but my physical that cannot take the training.

Sigh ... Heavens made a fool out of people. There are some people who slack in their training despite their physical can take the training but people like me wants to train as hard as possible but we are limited by our physical weakness.